Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
