well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
