Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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