We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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