I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
