I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
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Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
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have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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