I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
