There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
