she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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