I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
