I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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