I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
