atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I need water and some morals
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
