I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The beer is more important than you right now.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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