why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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