I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
