what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
