Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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