he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How external is "for external use only"?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
