You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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