hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
