i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
