Sober January is a disaster.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
