Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
