You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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