I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
