Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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