When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
