Umm I'm too high to move.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
