i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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