Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
