Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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