I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
