Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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