separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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