who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
