I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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