you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
