Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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