He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
