highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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