This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
