I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
