youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
