that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
