I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
