She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
