mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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