if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
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That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
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He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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