how can u be prego again
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
