So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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