If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
