I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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