Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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