The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Someone came in the potted fern
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
