O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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