is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
