i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
