Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
