you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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