I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
