It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
