I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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