Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
