last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize