I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He passed out mid-signature
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
