She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
