New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
